about me / English / Family / Thoughts

I am coping with it

It’s been exactly a month since my sister’s passing. My family and I are coping with it. We don’t have What if’s or We should have done’s because we are aware that Nana had been finally freed from the pain.

The loss gets more tangible though. I have heard many stories about her, from my family and her friends. It turned out that my niece recorded a video with Nana on it. It’s a journal full of Nana’s wishes and last messages for us. This is something special the family would cherish.

Nana’s Facebook profile is still on. Up untill now her friends write messages regularly but my mum can barely read them. The loss becomes hard to bear for her. I let my mum grief in her own way. She is the one who is confronted with the loss daily. My mum took care of Nana until the second she passed away you know.

We all know death is unpredictable but yet it seems to me unnatural to bury your own child.

5 stages of grief

I have been through the 5 stages of grief. I knew when I heard that bad news in June last year, there were only two chances: a miracle that she might get better or the inevitable death. From that moment to end of November I was going through stages 1 – 4 fastly. So if I look at the graph above, I can say I am at the last stage. Acceptance.

However the feeling of losing her stays. I believe grief changes shape but it never ends. Some people think that you can get over with it and say, ‘It’s gone and I’m ok with it’. Actually, you’re not better, you have just learned how to deal with it. Like what I am doing right now.

Infographic is from Locness Design

21 thoughts on “I am coping with it

  1. Does the distance make it worse or better for you mbak?
    I’m sure, your mom suffers the most, I always believe that losing your child is the biggest loss a parent can endure…

    • No, technology shortens the distance although I still can’t hold my family in my arms. We all cope with the loss in our own way and on our own terms, so I just let my mum mourns.

  2. Loss is inevitably trauma. And leave scars. The healing process depends on one’s emotional health. Fortunately you appear to be in very good shape. But I know It leaves scars which sometimes later on may suddenly hurt.

    • I am aware of it Colson. It is also natural cause grief changes shape. Ik heb het verlies een plek kunnen geven maar denk toch nog veel aan haar, aan alle herinneringen die wij samen hebben. En dit vind ik mooi.

  3. Mbak Yo, I even can’t imagine how yor mom deal with it, losing her daughter. And sometimes I had a hard time of expressing or saying something to comfort those who just lost their beloved ones….I’m afraid that my words won’t make them feel any better.

  4. “Actually, you’re not better, you have just learned how to deal with it.” That’s really true mbak Yo.

  5. You’re a strong woman, Lor. I can only imagine how you went thru those four stages so rapidly.
    But acceptance is always the best part. You also know very well and she is indeed in a better place, and freed from pain.🙂

    • Acceptance which sometimes shadowed by memories of her May. I just need to do what is right for me. It is acceptance in order to be able to move on, without forgetting her.

    • kalo aku mengalami step itu bolak-balik seperti kata Mas Eddy ini Mba,,
      Hari ini, setelah 47 hari Bapak pergi, saya masih sering mengalami fase ke empat meskipun beberapa menit setelahnya saya masuk lagi ke fase ke 5🙂

        • Nggak heran, apakah karena londo orangnya nggak banyak, jadi setiap kontak sangat dihargai dan berharga, bahkan teman aneh aneh aja tetap dipertahankan.
          Orang sini, wong e kebanyakan, jadi gak terlalu dimasukin ke hati, kecuali yang sangat spesial semisal ortu, makanya orang sini bisa lebih pendek.

    • Mamaku maju mundur Ed. Kalo aku karena tinggal jauh dan pernah mengalami yang sama sewaktu bapak meninggal lebih cepet nerimanya. Dikepala selalu ada suara: yang penting sekarang dia ngga menderita lagi.

  6. Pingback: In the morning | Chez Lorraine

  7. Pingback: Route du Soleil | Chez Lorraine

  8. Pingback: Belajar berempati | Chez Lorraine

Tell me what you think

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s