English / Friendship / Thoughts

Friends come and friends go

Have you ever wondered why you can get along with certain people very well while you can not even stand others? Or that you sometimes have a flash of feeling that you don’t recognize your (best) friends anymore???? Even best friends for years could be strangers to each other. When this happens to you, there’s no reason to feel guilty about it. Friends come and friends go. People change all the time. There are many elements involved which influence character changing or the way one sees things, values etc…. which could lead that best friends can’t get along with each other anymore.

As a foreigner living abroad, it was hard for me in the beginning to make friends. I don’t know how it is in Indonesia now but during my time living there (so before 1995), once you learned to know someone, he or she became your friend automatically. On the other hand, in Dutch you have kennissen = acquintances or friends. Here I have many kennissen and several friends but only 4 are really best friends. These friendships vary a lot, with L I share our interests for culinary, wine & fashion, with J Indonesian stuffs & the meaning of life, W is always available for a laughs while C is a friend for cultural stuffs (literatures, fine and performing art) and career moves. They complete me as I hope I complete them too.

Main question is: why is it more difficult to break up with your (female) best friend than to break up with your boy/girlfriend? It is very hard to say to your friend that you don’t want to see him/her anymore for some reasons. Instead, the easiest way would be chosen; not returning calls, avoiding him/her….until the friendship would fade away….(I did this once and am still ashamed about this!!!!).

9 thoughts on “Friends come and friends go

  1. omigod!! tha’t so true!!
    I had several experiences when i had to sever all diplomatic and personal ties (lol) with my girlfriends. still hurts til now. i still think about one particular friendship that ended 14 years ago!

    i guess, it’s just us lor, the kinds of girls who falls not only for men but for our friends. not all girls are like that…

    duh, jadi kepikiran deh tuh ma temen gue itu.. kangen banget…

  2. Female friendships are complicated things. And yes, you’re right, not all girls are like that.

    So cherish your current good friends as good friendships are difficult to build. I mean, at our age now, building friendship means investing time and energy. These two last things which we don’t have that much anymore.

  3. The most important I think is a respect to each other and respect the differences between ourself and our friends..
    But I think that’s a difficult thing for most women…🙂

  4. Jasmine, welcome aboard! You´re right. Yet another point of view from different angle.

  5. Female friendship is a special thing (they even lasts for four years and more on TV – remember Sex and the City? Hehehe)

    However, it is indeed hard to start everything anew when one moves to another country.

    Nice to know you!

  6. you know, it’s funny. we worry so much to not hurt someone’s feeling by telling them directly that we don’t want to further our friendship. instead, we chose to quietly walking away from them, hoping that they would ‘get the message’ and hopefully not hurting their feeling as much.
    but guess what? it does hurt. probably more, because they’re wondering what’s going on.

    don’t worry… i’ve done this too and felt bad a little. why just a little? because although it might seem rude on my part, i have my own reason for it (don’t we all?).

  7. Yoyen,

    Hm hm… this so TRUE! Gyahaha… bring back lots of memories, good and UGLY (^_-)

    Gw pny temen yg dari awal kuliah sampe skrng masih keep in touch, tapi tmbh lama tambah ga sepaham, kalo ngobrol yg ada saling sundul, hehe, klo sudah gini bagi gw utk apa diteruskan for the sake of ‘menjaga silaturahmi’? Aneh kan, soalnya klo saling silaturahmi malah pas pulang2 yg dibawa gondok segede gajah… Hehe, jadi gw memilih utk menghindar sahaja…

    Btw… lo tau ga kalo kata SAHABAT dan TEMAN itu bisa jadi ‘masalah’? Kalo dlm bhs Inggris jelas kali ya, friend and best friend, kalo dlm kamus besar bhs Indonesia, teman, sahabat, sobat, itu semua ga ada peringkatnya, sama aja, tapi dari sudut pandang ‘rasa’ dan kebiasaan penggunaan artinya udah jadi lain, temen ya friend, sahabat adalah good friend, eh best friend.

    Biasanya org2 maunya dibilang sahabat, klo cuma temen wiiy ada yg tersinggung loh gara2 itu..

    Nah kok gw jadi curhat, udah melenceng blun dari topik niy, hahaha!

    Dan iya, emg aneh, knp lebih gampang putus cinta daripada putus pertemanan yah… good point tu disitu, hah hah hah! Boleh ya gw pinjem untuk bikin cerita (^^p)

    BTW: I love all your posts!!

  8. @ the writer. I think the SATC happening is somewhat being romanticized too much. Girls/women fall in love with the idea of a perfect friendship and insist to get this from their female friends.
    Nice to know you too.

    @ Diny, that’s true. The hope of ‘she’ll get the message’ doesn’t come true unless you tell her about this in person. No, I don’t find this rude, sometimes the truth hurts but after that you move on.

    @ Gaty, there’s no reason to keep such friendship standing, toch? Danke dir auch fur die Komplimenten. Selbsverstandlich, wenn du wunste, konnte du etwas vom diese blog brauchen, ja…

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